The demons of loneliness that young women face

Regarding women in their 20s and 30s feeling lonely (No wonder young single women are lonelier than ever. Where is their community?, 21 August), as someone who was single until the age of 45 and lived in New York, I can relate. It’s not unusual to be lonely when you are younger, especially when you don’t fit into the mould of getting married and having children. I didn’t do either of those, and experienced intense loneliness.
I often strolled the streets in the evening hoping to make eye contact with someone or find a place where I could be single and comfortable. It was hard and mostly didn’t happen. But perseverance paid off and I turned my focus on to making my own life better.
It took years, and therapy was a huge part of my it, but eventually I found my worth. An important factor was immersing myself in my career. Fighting the demons of loneliness is a journey and I still have bouts of it even now. I have been happily married for more than 23 years and am now retired, but I believe it’s part of the human condition and not something there is an “answer” to. Women who chose not be mothers are especially vulnerable as this is a large part of most women’s lives and identity. Amanda Cushman Valencia, Spain
The analogy of loneliness being like a backpack you take with you everywhere struck a chord. I see my loneliness as a source of shame and would prefer no attention brought to it at all. Unfortunately, shame can get in the way of forming meaningful connections, which is an important factor, the writer says, in reducing loneliness.
Why am I so lonely? And what behaviour have I engaged in to find myself in such a situation? Probably nothing too optimistic, which is also something the writer says is essential in reducing loneliness, and I can understand why it might make potential friends/partners cautious. The tragedy of loneliness is that it doesn’t make you feel optimistic, so breaking free of the feelings and behaviours that perpetuate it are hard and you can end up in a horrible lonely loop.
I hope this is not too dire a message because I have gained a little more self-awareness over the years to modify my behaviour, and understanding that other people have the same feelings helps relieve the sense of alienation that loneliness can bring.Emma Roy-WilliamsManchester
Lucy Jones’s article on the loneliness of new motherhood is a brilliantly honest depiction of the challenges that so many of us experience post-birth (‘It felt shameful’: the profound loneliness of modern motherhood, 21 August). I found the transition from a busy, energetic career to sitting on the sofa at 3pm, still in my PJs, covered in baby sick, to be a profound shock. The research citing professional women as a high-risk group for perinatal loneliness proves I’m far from alone.
It was this sense of isolation that led me to set up The Together Project. As a relative of older adults in care homes, I understood the loneliness that they too experienced. I saw there was a win-win opportunity to bring the two groups together. What began as an informal get-together with the residents of my local care home, fellow parents and their babies, has now grown into a national charity with the aim of reducing loneliness and spreading joy. Louise GouldenFounder, The Together Project